God Sees YOU!

We all love a new season. A shift of attention and focus to what is next–-plans of ways to expand our reach, to-do lists, and reasons to celebrate. There is an expectation that we are ready and expectant for what is ahead. But what if you aren't? What if the exhaustion is palpable, the smile is getting harder to force, and you want to want to, but just don't. This is for you. I see you. I am you. You're going to make it!

Oftentimes when we need help the most, others are least aware of it. About a year ago, that is where I found myself. I love God, He is everything to me, yet I felt like there was a Grand-Canyon-sized chasm between us. I was attending church, reading my Bible, worshiping around my house, yet it all seemed one sided. I know that being led by feelings is a fast track to disappointment. This wasn’t that. 

I knew God was with me; but if you have been in this place, you know what I'm talking about. My arms were heavy to lift in praise, my voice was shaky when declaring His faithfulness, and the overall experience brought me to my knees. Everything within me shouted, “God, I NEED You!” I was managing my responsibilities—and from the outside I probably appeared fine—but internally, I felt like an empty shell, lacking the joy, purpose, and fire I had previously carried. 

I tried not to focus on what I was experiencing, because like any good Christian knows (ha), you keep going, growing, and taking ground! I told myself, “There is no time to waste ‘feeling.’” There were still people needing encouragement, my husband and children to show up for, and well, I didn't know what else to do. I guessed it was just a new normal. Maybe this is maturing in Christ, I thought. But why did it feel…so…heavy? And so lonely. I knew I had more in me, but I had no idea how to get past the numbing fatigue of the previous season. 

The thought of doing anything more than what was directly in front of me felt like climbing Mount Everest. With the inability to advance, sadness and self-criticism would wrap around me. Internally I shouted, “What is wrong with me?!” My burning passion for the Lord and living fully alive to His purpose was all I had known since my salvation in 2006! This was foreign. “Why can’t I push through this heaviness? Why can't I make my way through this fog and MOVE ON already? People are progressing forward and stepping into God-made places, and I can't seem to put more than a few thoughts together at once.” It was not because I had grown cold to living fully for God or stopped desiring His presence, but I felt disconnected and did not know why. I know not all of you will relate, but for those of you who do, I hope that you feel less alone. Being misunderstood in the middle of a desert results in a unique kind of pain. And I don’t want that for you.

I was in church in September 2023, and like months prior, I showed up because I knew God was worthy, despite how distant I felt from Him. During this particular service, a woman started talking about how it was time to advance, that there was more ahead than what was behind, how the ground was ready, and that the time was now. She asked those who felt called to ministry, the prophetic, who had a call on their lives and wanted to be part of advancing to stand. I could not.

I felt like a failure. I had to be honest in that moment—I was depleted. I wanted to want to, but all I knew was I couldn't force myself to stand up. As I sat there, I hung my head talking to Jesus under my breath. I was thankful for all He had done for me and thought, “Maybe it's time I just become thankful for what was and ‘get real’ that ministry is not something that is in my future.” I was a wife, a mom, and that was enough. I couldn't keep breathing life into what appeared to be dead. As I was letting go of it all, because I couldn't stand up and act like I had the energy to advance, the speaker took the microphone and spoke directly to my soul. 

She said, “There is someone here who wants to stand, but you're so tired, so depleted and burned out from the last season of your life that you can't. It's like a weight is keeping you in your chair. God sees you. And you don't have to stand for God to heal you right where you are. You're still called. Let Him heal you.” 

When she spoke those words, it was like the entire room fell away and her voice echoed in my ears. I broke. His tangible love filled me and hope was ignited. God saw me. He sees you too!

I believe the word that was for me is for you as well. You're still called. That weight on your shoulders and in your chest aren't meant to settle on you like a wet cloak. The weight is the knowing that you have more in you, the responsibility of the calling, but it's become a burden—not because you are weak, not because you have something wrong with you, but because your heart has been disappointed and needs reviving.

My heart was sick, because hope had been deferred. Deferred means to put off or to postpone. When we place our full hope in a specific outcome, in something, someone, or some place instead of Jesus, disappointment is inevitable. It's like holding your breath in expectation of getting more air soon, but the air doesn't come. You become hopeless. 

God touched me that day and healed my sick heart. When you are sick, what do you experience? Fatigue, difficulty concentrating, sadness, disappointment about what you're missing out on, physical symptoms? It's hard to do normal tasks when you are sick, and the thought of doing more, of advancing? There's no space. When you hear of God expanding, doing more, advancing, and it makes you feel paralyzed instead of inspired, I wonder if maybe your hope has been deferred. A job that didn't materialize, a relationship that started off promising but ended abruptly, an illness that keeps lingering, a marriage that feels more like two roommates. 

I don't know what in your life has taken longer than you expected. I don't know what you thought would have happened by now, but God does. He sees. You don’t need to keep living from your head, disconnected from your weary heart. He knows what you need while the dream is still in process, and it is hope. Today I pray that you will pause, even if it feels counterproductive or uncomfortable. You have so much good ahead of you. A healed heart will take you much farther than striving will. It may take some time, but you will advance—wholeheartedly.