Developing a Strong Sense of Self - Part 2
By: Cecilie Croissant
What do I mean by developing a strong sense of self?
It is not independence from God, but rather a very deep trust and abiding in Him.
It is not being self-absorbed, self-conscious, or domineering, but rather a freedom to simply be. You can be yourself, because of the awareness of Jesus in you.
Having a strong sense of self means freedom from the fear of the rejection. It means that you can be the joy, the love, the peace in the room without feeling the need to placate, people please or feeling intimidated by anyone’s mood or control.
It means freedom from insecurity about your purpose and place in the world. You don’t have to succumb to envy or comparison, and you can have the assurance that no one can take your place in the world and that the expression of Jesus in you is beautiful and unique.
Instead of second-guessing yourself, you can feel confident in making decisions, knowing that God is your wisdom inside of you and that He is your shield and protector.
You can be confident in the season you are in, instead of feeling you are not enough. We can’t do everything in every season. For example, a mother with young children may be limited in time she can commit to ministry or other activities. Having a strong sense of self means that you know your values and the priorities for the season you are in. You take steps to protect God’s desires and priorities within you.
1. First of all, it is the love of God that creates a strong faith in our hearts.
A person with a strong sense of self will have conviction and faith that comes as a result of encountering the love of God. His love will affect and transform us in many ways.
“I pray that he would unveil within you the unlimited riches of his glory and favor until supernatural strength floods your innermost being with his divine might and explosive power. Then, by constantly using your faith [and faith looks unto Jesus], the life of Christ will be released deep inside you, and the resting place of his love will become the very source and root of your life. Then you will be empowered to discover what every holy one experiences – the great magnitude of the astonishing love of Christ in all its dimensions. This extravagant love pours into you until you are filled to overflowing with the fullness of God.” Eph.3:16-21 TPT
We can experience the life of Christ springing up on the inside of us on a daily basis. This happens through believing and connecting with who Jesus is to us through His death, burial and resurrection, and who He is IN us now. When the love of God is revealed to us through the Word, and we experience it through our communion with Him, it brings what I call the “awe factor.” The more in awe we are of God and His love and beautiful character and nature, the more we are transformed and strengthened in our inner being!
2. God takes the development of our inner being seriously, because He has put His laws in our minds and has written them on our hearts. In other words, God wants His Word and ways to become organic with the core of our being.
“No longer will they teach their neighbor or say to one another, ‘Know the Lord’, because they will all know me, from the least of them to the greatest.” Hebr.8:10
In other words, there is an intimate connection with God in our hearts and an inner sense of His wisdom and ways. We have the capacity to live naturally out of our inner being with a strong sense of His will. We can see clearly, and there is grace (which is the influence of God in our hearts) to take initiative and step out to do the will of God. Phil.2:12-13. If, on the other hand we are stuck in insecurity and preoccupied with pleasing others, we are going to miss what God is doing in our own hearts.
As a young believer, I lacked understanding and felt insecure about who I was. Gradually, I gained knowledge of the love of God, righteousness, and union with Jesus. It became organic in me - Jesus abiding in me, and I abiding in Him (John 15). This is where I continue to live.
As I grew in my understanding of my union with Jesus, I began to recognize what was real and what was not real. I was open, but also evaluating what I heard. As my husband and I went through different seasons of ministry, we observed ministries characterized by show, hype, religiosity, performance oriented or flat-out wrong teaching. I discovered I could trust the anointing within me that “knows the truth (1 John 2:20). I began to recognize the inner compass and guidance system when things were off. I also noticed clearly when things resonated very deeply.
This KNOWING gives us peace, clarity and confidence. We can trust our ability to have a sense of what is right, what is wise, and how to navigate life in all its challenges and complexities.
3. God also works by giving us mentors and teachers. These gifts to the Body of Christ continue to form the foundation of Christ in us. God gave my husband and I amazing mentors along the way, people who caused us to expand our lives in many ways. One mentor who helped us put words on a lot of things we had felt and experienced, was Jim Richards. Through his material, things began to become very clear and congruent. All the parts began to fit together, and God was now able to speak to me in ways I couldn’t have discerned earlier. Ministry was still going on, but I believe the most important thing was what happened in me during that time. A strong sense of personal responsibility, courage along with surrender began to happen in me. Surrender meant that I could yield to God and His truth, even during challenging times. I could open myself up to God, knowing that He could be trusted, and the truth on the inside could be trusted.
It was no longer simply about pursuing random goals or something I thought I wanted. Instead, it was about connecting with God on the inside and allowing desires of God to rise to the surface out of my heart. I felt it was time to act on this in a major way, so I went back to school, and this absolutely changed my life. What God had shown me in the Word about how spiritual and personal growth takes place, I began to learn about in school. I started to see the connection between the Word and certain things I learned about in school. The picture got bigger, and I began to find more words and expression for God’s wisdom and how to help others experience transformation. This finally became a book – Enjoying the Journey of Transformation.
Throughout this journey, fear and shame began to lose its grip.
2 Tim.1:7, Eph.6:10-1, John 14:21,23, John 15:5,7 are great scriptures to describe a strong inner sense of self.
Alison Cook in her book The Best of You (page 13-14) shares some examples of how Jesus had a strong sense of self. His yes was a clear yes, and His no was a clear no.
Jesus said yes to asking for help (Mark 14:32-34)
Jesus said yes to choosing friends carefully (Luke 6:12-16)
Jesus said yes to honoring his emotions (John 11:35; Mark 3:5)
Jesus said yes to developing his potential (Luke 2:46)
Jesus said yes to his purpose (Luke 4:18-19)
Jesus said yes to sticking to his convictions (Luke 4:1-13)
Jesus said no to being “on” all the time (Matt.14:23-24)
Jesus said no to pleasing and performing (Mark 15:1-5)
Jesus said no to toxic behavior (Matt. 23:13-36)
Jesus said no to manipulation (Matt. 4:1-11)
Jesus said no to bullies and abusers (Matt.18:6; John 8:1-11)
Jesus said no to arrogance (Matt.5:3-10)
Jesus said no to damaging rules (Joh 5:1-18)
4. Internal vs. external locus of control. With an internal locus of control, you tend to look to resources within yourself- including God’s Spirit and His word – to affect change, make decisions, and create impact. 2 Pet.1:3-4, Eph.1:3. You have a sense that you can, to some degree take charge of your life.
In contrast, when you lean toward an external locus of control, you tend to view what happens to you as outside of your control. You feel somewhat powerless to limit how these circumstances affect you, and you tend to look to certain others as responsible for your well-being. You believe that the ultimate outcome of your life is determined by external factors. In the realm of faith, this may express itself as “if it is God’s will, it will happen.” Or, “The devil keeps putting those thoughts in my mind.”
An internal locus of control relates to higher levels of confidence and improved mental health, while an external locus of control tends to correlate with increased feelings of anxiety and depression. Culturally, women are often steered towards an external locus of control, while men are encouraged towards an internal locus of control. As women and men of God, we are to be conformed to the image of Christ.
Luke 18:1-8: The persistent widow who received her right. In a culture where women were to be neither seen nor heard, Jesus often presented them as models of faith. His listeners lived within a religious culture where they frequently heard religious teaching about women as a corrupting influence on men. Women were to be shunned as much as possible. The female sex was viewed as inferior, ignorant, unworthy of learning, corrupt, and was often berated and disdained, in spite of the high view of women in the Old Testament, such as Miriam, Deborah, Huldah, Lady Wisdom in Proverbs, and the woman worthy of devotion and love in the Song of Solomon. (Interestingly enough, Solomon himself lived in high contradiction to this celebration of monogamous marriage.) Women were often blamed for any misfortune, held responsible for men’s lusts, and mostly lived a life in the shadows. It is an astounding fact that we often miss in our modern day that Jesus often used women as positive examples in His parables, and here He used a widow as a strong example of faith.
As a widow, she was probably extremely poor, and at the time of Jesus, widows were at the lowest rung in society as far as having any power or control over their lives. They were at the mercy of everyone else around them. No wonder the New Testament exhorts the church to care for widows and makes this an earmark of genuine faith (James 1:27). How different God’s view of women is than that of the world!
Here are some reasons that Jesus made her an example worthy of emulation:
1. Based on truth and a sense of justice, she found strength within herself to stand up against impossible odds. She could have easily said to herself, “I’m just a widow. I’m just a woman. Nobody is going to listen to me, especially not an unjust male judge. Nobody is going to care. I might as well just make the best out of it and accept what it is.” Instead, she went up against a whole mindset and culture to stand up for her inner conviction of what was right.
2. She came with no money, no resources, and no support. There was nothing for her to use as a bribe, and there was no male advocate there to stand by her and plead her case. In that day, a woman’s testimony carried little or no weight, and there she was, trying to get what was rightfully hers and win over her oppressor. This took courage!
3. She did not give up but kept on insisting on her rights. Initially, the judge tried to ignore her since he could care less, but because of her determination and refusal to give up, he finally gave in. He simply got tired of her and realized that she wouldn’t stop showing up.
4. How much more will God respond to us. Jesus uses this story in a beautiful way to show how much more we can be confident and assured that God hears us, since He truly cares and always comes to our aid, because He is good and righteous. If this widow got her right from an unrighteous and biased judge, how much more can we be confident that God will give us everything we need.
What a difference there is between God’s righteous and loving nature and the evil system of this world! As we stand in awe of God’s holiness and love, faith and courage will rise from our inner being, and we can walk out His plan and destiny for our lives!