Living by God’s Wisdom and Design Laws Part 1
Do you believe that God has a good life for you? Do you believe that God desires for you to succeed in love and in life? I am absolutely convinced He does. He has given us ways to stay as healthy as possible, ways to increase, and ways to build relationships that are lasting and meaningful. (Check out our series Fantastic Female Friendship on the Women in Community Youtube channel!) Many aspects of nature serve as visible demonstrations of how to “grow” lives characterized by steady progress and fulfillment. Just like nature follows certain “laws” or principles that result in healing, renewal and fruitfulness, God has given us patterns or principles of wisdom throughout Scripture. I call them Design Laws, because just like physical laws, they are predictable and work every time!. In this article I would like to talk about an amazing Design Law that I call the Law of Love. God is love! He is an extravagant Giver who desires to pour His love and blessing into and through our lives.
When nature operates according to God’s design, it flourishes through giving. The water cycle is one example. The ocean “gives” water through evaporation, producing clouds, and the clouds “give” water that supplies rivers, which again pour water into the ocean. On the other hand, a virus is a biological form of selfishness. It doesn’t give anything and only takes for itself. White blood cells, on the other hand, operate on the principle of love by sacrificing themselves in order to save us.
The Law of Love
God always operates in healing, uplifting, and selfless ways. Love means to do what is good regardless of how one feels. When we give and serve because it is the right thing to do, we prosper. When we stop loving and giving, we deteriorate. The pool of water that stops flowing soon stagnates, while a flowing river breeds life.
Are negative things that happen in our lives the result of God’s punishment? Absolutely not! This belief goes against every evidence in nature, science, history, and Biblical truth. God’s love is pure and free from any form of agenda or force.
When negative things happen in our lives, we may feel grief, a sense of failure, anxiety, depression, or a low sense of worth. These feelings are not evidence of God’s punishment or a sign that He has left us. They may be a result of how we or others have operated contrary to His design laws. But even in the middle of tragedies, God’s desire is to restore. The reason Jesus died for us was to deliver us out of a life of destruction and fear and restore us to love and dignity. Then, He gave us the Holy Spirit to live inside of us and His word to show us how to live in His purpose and design.
Love has counterfeits. Dependency is a common one. Some people believe they love when they control others. A young woman sought counseling whose boyfriend had threatened to kill himself if she left him. The boyfriend showed clear signs of unhealthy dependency and lowered himself to try to control instead of owning his own deep insecurities. Dependency happens when someone looks to another as the source of inner peace, security, well-being, or self-worth. God did not create us to be for another person that which He alone can be for us. A dependent person will have strong feelings for another, but he or she will often be erratic and unstable. Dependent individuals may sulk and act in immature ways, which ultimately destroys relationships. Because we were never created to be dominated by another person, a sense of being pressured, forced, or controlled will only result in resistance and a desire to leave. Love will die. This will often make the dependent person even more desperate to control, causing the relationship to go south very fast! The dependent person’s need for further external validation is now even greater. I compare a person like this with a leaking bucket. No amount of validation and assurance will ever be enough. They take and take and continue to demand, but no attempt to assure them will fill the void. This is often how control and abuse get started. When I was 22, I dated someone like this. He was quite convincing and had me duped for a few months. Thankfully, I recognized the control and danger before it was too late. Several years later, after my husband and I were married, he unexpectedly showed up at our door and invited us out on a boat trip. I felt shaky on the inside from the bad memories, even though I knew I was safe. Needless to say, we declined his invitation.
Having healthy boundaries is actually part of operating in the Law of Love. A person may feel guilty for saying no or putting limits on a family member or friend’s destructive behavior. For example, if someone asks you for money after you have already loaned them money several times without having been paid back, it is important to stop enabling their irresponsibility. You may get a negative reaction, and the person may be trying their best to make you feel guilty, but in reality, the most loving thing you can do to this person is to stop enabling their destructive behavior. And remember, when you operate in the Law of Love, you will always reap good fruit. God will honor it, not because you did something to deserve His blessing, but simply because that is how His creation works. Even if it might be somewhat unpleasant to say no to dependent people, it is the only way they will have the opportunity to face their negative patterns and begin working towards taking back the control of their own lives. For more information about how to have healthy boundaries, please read Boundaries: When to say yes, when to say no to take control of your life by Henry Cloud and John Townsend.
Dependency is a needy, self-centered way of relating to others. It may say “I love you soooo much,” but dependency is far removed from the God-kind of love.. Dependent people make others responsible for their own needs. They sulk or get angry and blame others when they don’t get their way. They tend to justify their own negative behavior, addictions, rudeness etc. by blaming situations or people. They are defensive. They can be difficult people to be around, and you have to set clear boundaries with people who tend to live this way, even if that person is a friend or even a spouse.
Timothy Jennings says it this way: “Love heals, while dependency destroys. Love liberates, while dependency always seeks to control. Love gives, while dependency constantly takes. Love is fearless, while dependency is fear-ridden. Love is interested in another, while dependency focuses on self. Love is stable, while dependency wavers. Love is orderly and reliable, while dependency is chaotic and unreliable. Love is based on principle, while dependency is based on feelings. Love is consistent, while dependency is inconsistent. Love is honest and truthful, while dependency is dishonest and deceitful. Love is patient, while dependency is impulsive. Love is kind, while dependency is cruel. Love is forgiving, while dependency is resentful. Love protects, while dependency exploits. Love sacrifices self, while dependency sacrifices others. Love never ends, while dependency never lasts. And love never fails, while dependency never succeeds.” (Could it Be This Simple, p.76-77)
Let’s be honest and willing to recognize dependent behavior in ourselves or others. Let’s open our hearts to the love of God which transforms us! Sometimes the right thing is the hard thing. But if you choose to live in God’s kind of love, you will grow and prosper!
Cecilie Croissant